The Bracelet, written at 2:37am, 07/10/16

Trigger warning: abuse, violence, alcohol abuse ——-

 

You bought me a bracelet. You only bought it for me after we had that argument because you didn’t know of any other way to say you were sorry. In the end, you didn’t even say it. You just gave me the bracelet and looked me in silence, imploring me to forgive you. I hate to admit that it worked. During that argument, you screamed at me for almost an hour and then called me a ‘pathetic little bitch’. You slapped me round the face and left me crying on the floor. You stepped over me and then proceeded to drink so many pints at the pub that you could hardly stand. I cried myself to sleep that night.

You bought me a bracelet. When you left me, you took a part of me with you but you left behind that bracelet. It was the only thing you left behind. My flat seemed empty without your mess cluttering up my hallway and my living room. That bracelet was the only physical reminder I had left of you; the bruises faded not long after you left.

You brought me a bracelet. I used to wear it all the time: it was the only reminder I had that we were once together. Two years and one round of therapy are what I had to endure to get to this point in my life but I’ve finally taken it off my wrist. It took me a while but here I am. You can have your bracelet back.

My Heart, written at 12:28am, 07/07/17

 

I don’t know what this is

I just can’t seem to figure out what I’m feeling

It isn’t heartbreak, that’s one thing I’m certain of

 

My heart hasn’t been broken into pieces

But it hurts

It feels as if someone has taken a sharp knife

And run it over the fragile surface of my beating heart

 

I can feel my heart bleeding gently

It drips slowly, the red liquid runs slowly down my body

But there is no flood

It should heal itself if given enough time

 

My unprofessional diagnosis is that

A simple plaster over the wound would be ineffective

Some stitches will be required

And patience, lots of patience

 

Before you know it,

I’ll be back to normal

All I ask is that you give me

Time….

 

 

You Can Never Properly Predict The Future, written at 6:35pm, 02/07/17

 

I’d never touched someone the way I touched you,

I’d never been touched by anyone the way you touched me,

I’d never met anyone so fragile, so pure –

You were like a beautiful porcelain vase

Whenever we were together,

I felt as though one wrong move could break you

And shatter you into a thousand pieces

Little did I know

That I would be the one left with the broken heart

And with warm blood dripping from my every vein….

 

I only cry in crimson now.

The Truth, written at 4:30pm, 11/07/17

 

What if I told you that the thought of getting over you

Filled me with dread and heartbreak?

To be honest, that would probably make you happy

Because you’re a narcissistic arsehole

And you would probably get off knowing that you made me cry myself to sleep every night

For an entire week

 

The good thing is that telling you that would make a liar

Because there are worse things I’ve had to get over in my life

And I got over them just fine

And in comparison to them, you’re nothing

So give me a week, maybe two

Then I’ll be okay

And you?

You’ll be nothing more than a memory to me.

 

Parks and Declaration(s of our Feelings), written at 6:25pm, 02/07/17

 

I remember how I felt when we say goodbye

Neither of us wanted we had to end

But it was inevitable,

It feels like…. the universe was against us, or something

 

We went to the park together

And we sat cross-legged on that cold bench,

Holding hands as we stared up at the birds flying freely in the clear blue sky

But I couldn’t stop staring at you

 

You had your arm around me and your chin rested silently on top of my head

I wonder if you would recognise my heartbeat,

The way I’ve memorised yours

I still play the melodic tune in my head as I try to fall asleep every night

 

I can’t stop thinking about the last time we kissed –

I’ve never been kissed like that

You tasted like you didn’t want to leave me

But then you did

 

However, no matter how hard I cried by myself on the tube that Thursday night, no matter how many tears I shed alone in bed, there isn’t enough water in my body to allow us to be together. That’s just how it is.

Eyes Closed, written at 11:41pm, 01/05/17

 

I close my eyes and all I see is her

My every thought has been consumed by her

Her beauty, it makes me breathless

She is perfect to me

 

I close my eyes and all I see is her

I want to go on long walks with her in the pouring rain

With our fingers carefully intertwined

Even the beauty of nature is incomparable to hers

 

She’s ineffable

Predictions of a Stranger, written at 12:44pm, 24/04/17

 

 

I remember the first day we spoke,

In the toilets on the second day of college,

When you complimented my hair after you heard me complaining about my split ends to another friend

I thought you were so sweet

 

If someone had told me that I’d have fallen in love

With the girl with the pale face and the red lips,

I’d have laughed at them

Or told them to fuck off

 

But they’d have been right because

I have fallen in love with the girl with the pale face and red lips

 

Sometimes, strangers are a lot more observant than you think…